Another Day

I have had a busy two days here in Arkalyk ……

Monday I had Veronika for most of the day and she really seems to like this new apartment. I give her free reign to run around all the rooms and there is something for her to be amused by in every corner. When we are in the kitchen, there are magnets to move from one side of the fridge to the other. She is absolutely taken with the flush of the toilet and loves to wash her hands at the sink and drink the water. The family that we have rented this flat from for the next few weeks has a little girl so they left toys behind and we don't know what to play with first.





I went with Khabiba and assorted family members to the Muslim Cemetery on Monday afternoon to visit the gravesites of her mother and brother. Her mother was a teacher and it was a teacher's holiday so she wanted to leave roses by her side. In the Muslim tradition they bury the person with a tombstone and then surround a fairly large area with either a brick structure or fencing, depending on how elaborate the family wants to be.





We then went to get Khabiba's daughter from school, which was a treat to see all the school kids in the yard, jumping rope and generally having fun.

Today we ran around, shopping the various markets for food and then went and get Veronika for a few hours. She had her first official play date with 2 children not from the orphanage here at our apartment. I returned her early today because we needed to go to the health clinic to have Khabiba's young daughter checked out. She seemed perfectly fine to me – but I was told she had a cough when she awoke and they needed to confirm her health. Then off to the Bauxite company's medical building where Khabiba and I had 30 minute massages each. (Price approx: $3.00) It was the most painful experience I can recall, very hard hands, but I do feel good right now, actually I take that back (ha)– my shoulders were fine going in and now they are very sore. We were told we both need some work and we are scheduled for 30 minutes each for the next few days. It was my idea so I can hardly complain.

I also went shopping for Veronika today because tomorrow will be her last day at the orphanage and I wanted her to leave with a new jacket, hat (yes hat) and shoes. I am planning a party in the afternoon for all the kids in Veronika's group and caretakers. I really look forward to seeing this day happen and the start of our life together. Veronika is getting less needy and more trusting, today was the first day I was able to walk her back to the orphanage without picking her up or strolling her, she was happy to walk holding hands, just like how Aidan and I do it.

I can't wait to have each daughter on my side. Soon Aidan, soon. We're getting there...

Party pictures tomorrow!

It’s Potty Time

I couldn’t resist taking these photos and hope no one is offended.
I think they are so sweet and it is unbelievable how they are all trained to go at certain times with, as I am told, no accidents in between.

I will say that when we have Veronika with us we do give her a sippy cup filled with juice and water (warm, of course, they believe that, we should only put warmth into our bodies). Veronika is so thrilled to have her own cup with the freedom to enjoy juice at all times, we also now have the issue of needing the potty all the time. File this one under good problems to have.

Love At First Sight

This is what the label on my new jacket reads.

Aunt Baccha left our flat today after she served us lunch and returned some time after to deliver a jacket she’d picked up at the market from a friend who has a coat stall to see if I wanted to buy it. She has heard my cough, which really doesn’t sound very good and knows how cold it is and will continue to get in the next few weeks.

What do you think? I love it and love the fact that she was so thoughtful and caring to do this and I’ve quickly come to learn that she is right about most things here.

Of course, I bought it before I read the label, which is worth hearing verbatim:

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
Environmentalistic and Healthy All the raw materials and subsidiary materials of RED OCEAN strictly accord with international standards, among which, filler products and fur are specially processed with antibiotics, and tested by authoritave department, which ensure RED OCEAN products safe and environmentalistic. The PH of the material for making the outside and the lining accords with the sanitary standard of human skin the content of heavy metal is lower than that in human drinking water the content of formaldehyde doesn’t exceed the standard of cosmetics textiles are forbidden AZO – colorants.
WOW – that’s all kind of scary – I much prefer to hear, natural fibers, or 100% Polyester fill or OK I’ll admit it - 100% Down would be my choice but what’s a girl to do.

Reading this label makes me laugh, but wait, there’s more…………

WASH & PRESERVE Cleaning: Clean the dirt with the plain white cloth dipped in pure gasoline or detergent. Miscellaneous: Read carefully the instructions on the tag before you wash. Otherwise you’ll have to answer for the damage caused by carelessness.

There you have it – I’m glad I read the label and hope I do not need to clean this thing or answer for any consequences, and dare not think too much about its contents, for now I’ll just focus on its warmth and good looks.
Thanks Aunt Baccha!!

Special Delivery

This story begins with first knowing how territorial Tom and I are about our laptops and that we keep buying clothes we didn’t pack but managed to bring two laptops so we could each use one. Tom and I are both Mac people but he’s been working on a firm loaner PC and I’ve been using the MacBook.

On day 2 here, after settling in we were ready to sign in using the telephone line when we realized that Apple has done away with its internal telephone modem and the Mac needs to use an external modem. What did Apple think – that dial-up is a thing of the past? I hated that I screwed up like that, but nonetheless it was over looked. So in hindsight it was good that we had two computers and when Tom has not been using it I was able to blog and email.

When Tom decided that he would work out of an office in Almaty, leaving this Sunday -- I almost panicked to think I wouldn’t be able to go online for a whole three weeks. I should mention that he did offer to switch with me because where he is going he will have high speed and I could work from his PC, but as you all know I am a snob about my Mac so we needed to find the Apple USB modem, which could be bought in any BestBuy in America for forty bucks. Tom did what he does and phoned one of his contacts in Almaty who found the one store there that had the modem. Of course, cash and carry only, which then made delivery an issue (KazPost could have gotten it to Arkalyk in three weeks).

So here’s how you get precious cargo from Almaty to Arkalyk in 2007: follow the bouncing ball: We asked Khabiba, who informed us that Aunt Baccha has a son who goes to school in Almaty who occasionally helps in these circumstances. We gave Baccha the money for the modem, plus money for the conductors of the trains between Almaty and Arkalyk. She deposited the money into her bank account and transferred it to him in Almaty, which he would use to make the purchase and send it along. He was going to give it to the conductor of the train from Almaty to Astana, who would give it to the conductor of the Astana-Arkalyk train for delivery here. Instead of doing that, he found a passenger on the train going the whole distance and paid her slightly less than the conductors’ fees for her assistance and it was on its way. Four days later Khabiba was scheduled to be at the Arkalyk station at 7:30 am for the train’s arrival and find this woman and retrieve my Mac modem. Anyway the hand-off did not happen as planned, but luckily Khabiba knew this woman and knew she would be at the stall she owned in the market when it opened at 10am and found her there. Of course, the woman wanted a little extra money “for some chocolate” which made up for the discount from the conductors’ fees but believe me, for this small plastic box she could have all the chocolate she wanted. So the story goes – I now have my external modem and will happily be working from my Apple Mac book – Yahoo! here I come.
A

It’s Official

After some last minute drama in the hours leading up to our hearing time, we appeared today before a judge of the Arkalyk village court who granted our petition to adopt Veronika and to change her name to Veronika Rose Guida. We’ll report all the details later on, the apartment is starting to fill up with well-wishers and Aunt Bacha has been working on a special celebration dinner all day.

Speaking of Bacha, we may not have mentioned that in addition to being a great cook and a nurse at the hospital she is also one of the town fortune tellers. We felt some additional confidence going into the hearing because right before we left to go to Court she called us into the living room and showed us that she’d read the piles of peanuts she’d spread over the table and they showed her a successful outcome for the hearing.

Thanks for all the good luck messages in the past few days, we’ll be back with a longer entry tomorrow.

The Thrill is Gone

I’m referring to the food.

From day one here we have had the pleasure of Aunt Baccha’s cooking. She is a dear woman who does not speak any English but we get by with the resources we have.

I have lost, temporarily, the choice of what and when I eat and for that reason the thrill we normally experience with eating a meal is gone. I do not want to diminish how delicious it all is, but our enjoyment has started to feel like pure gluttony at this point.

We are served 3 meals a day. Big meals. Let me elaborate ………

Breakfast

Begins with a huge, hot bowl of mush-- either oatmeal, pastina, wheatina, purina, rice, corn, or barley. All made with boiled milk and sugar.

Then there is always bread & butter, sometimes a big plate of sliced salami and cheese on the table or 6-8 pieces of French toast instead, made from day old bread.

We have had fried eggs a few times as well.

Chai (tea) at every meal.

Lunch

Usually a hot bowl of soup with cabbage, potatoes, or barley and either chicken or beef thrown in. Then always another meat dish served over pasta, rice or barley. Each of us given a steaming plate that could easily serve both of us, with leftovers, and yet we usually finish our own plates because it’s so good.

A big plate of the tomatoes that Tom described yesterday at every meal, sliced with parsley, dill and salt.

Bread, again, a full plate.

Dinner

Is a continuation of lunch, usually a new dish of the same quantity as lunch, with additional elements like meat dumplings or fried Kazakh breads stuffed with potatoes or egg salad with herbs. All very delicious.

A lot of onions are used in everything and the most popular dish is a brown rice dish with shredded carrots, oil and meat – called “

For all the other epicurians out there –I am just amazed at how many different dishes and tastes are created with the same simple ingredients. Foodies in the US are always searching for new elements to add to enhance flavor – where here it is almost always the same: Cabbage, carrots, onions, garlic, eggplant, potato, pasta, barley, meat. The use of oil as essential. Fresh breads bought daily, and dough made every few days for the specialty dumplings and stuffed breads. A few versions of what they call fresh salad and we would call a "slaw," each of which starts with shredded cabbage and then different ingredients are added to make the different varieties.

As for snacks – there is always a bowl left on the table with dried fruits, nuts and chocolates. I think fresh fruit is more of a treat and specialty. We have had oranges, apples and pears. At a party we had the other night the neighbors brought a watermelon which was a treat and devoured by all.

By the way………Veronika loves raisins and bananas but could care less about cookies. Takes one bite and puts it down. When I told that to Aidan – her reaction was simply—after a long pause-- “whoa.” It was if she was shocked at the very thought. Let’s see how long this lasts.

Two Days Until Our Court Date

We have prepared our petition for the Arkalyk court and have been prepped for the proceedings and suddenly I feel nervous. We really don’t think we have reason for concern, but I don’t think we’ll sleep well until it is over.

Our time here has gone by rather quickly and I hope to feel the same way in a few weeks from now when I am still here in Arkalyk waiting to go to the big city, Almaty. Who knows, perhaps the whole process can be a few days shorter and we can be home by the beginning of November.

Every day gets better with Veronika, we have a rhythm and it works. She is really cute and her personality comes out more and more every day. She is finally vocal and is babbling on in Russian with maybe even some words and baby talk in English mixed in. “V” is definitely starting to understand what I say to her in English and has begun testing me to get my attention.

Thankfully, we are getting out more to wander around and explore which makes me happy. There is not much to do when we go out to walk (much of which is along unpaved paths and dirt roads) but I am always the voyeur and curious about all the people we see. Unfortunately I have not really photographed the people out of respect for their privacy, I hope that when I am walking around with Veronika and Khabiba in a few weeks maybe some of the people will let me take their pictures.

The children go to school in uniforms, the girls’ look like little French maids with white doily lace aprons covering little black dresses and the boys all seem to wear shiny blue suits. There are many babushkas out shopping in the classic garb of house dress and head scarf you would imagine.

Then there are the teenagers, all of them stylish with the girls in designer jeans and high heel pumps despite the dirt roads. All of the women take pride in their wardrobe, they wear a lot of black, and are stylish in a dressed-up way that is such a contrast to the simple life that is led here. There is a definite pride that people take in knowing they can dress well, have a family car, put meat on the table and entertain and host friends and family--the simple necessities and pleasures that should not be underestimated.

All in all we are well, happy and excited for all that has happened here thus far. Any attempts to grasp what our life will be like at home with Veronika seem surreal while we’re still in Arkalyk. We can’t wait to get home and introduce Veronika and Aidan and watch that relationship develop—this has been my dream and thrill, for the two girls to bond and be sister soul-mates.

Saturday

First of all, Happy Half Birthday AIDAN!! Mommy and Daddy miss you very much and can’t wait to see you.

Today is officially the last day of our bonding period, I think we both feel at alternating moments as if we arrived a second ago and have been here for months. Our court hearing is this Wednesday the 3^rd and barring any issues I’ll take the train to Astana next Sunday the 7^th and then a morning flight to Almaty on the 8^th where I’ll be using an office I’ve borrowed from a law firm there. Allyson will stay in Arkalyk and she and Veronika will travel to Almaty at the end of the month where we will take care of the US embassy processing and head home.

A few things to report from Arkalyk, the first one being our first encounter with Kazkahstan-style medical treatment. Veronika’s cold got worse in the middle of the week, and we were told she’d arrive late to the apartment on Wednesday because she had a fever overnight and was getting her “treatments.” When she arrived around noon that day her face was flushed, her shirts (they dress them in three, typically) soaked, her hair wet and we discovered that she’d gotten a shot of some kind. She just wasn’t herself the whole day, didn’t want Allyson to hold her, didn’t want to nap or eat. She totally lost it when we tried to change her out of her wet clothes or put her down for a nap, and it took almost the whole afternoon for her to return to normal. When we asked about her “treatments” we were told that she’d been given a steam under a hood, which sounded scary but OK for a head cold and a shot containing more narcotics than a linebacker gets for a hip injury--as the saying goes, when the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. She’s a lot better now but I wonder how many days shorter her cold would have been without the treatments.

In other news, the sheep has found a temporary home. If I’ve got the story straight, Khabiba has a distant cousin who has a niece by marriage who was recently married, and this cousin is obligated by tradition to host a big dinner for the newlyweds in a few weeks (it’s a big Kazakhstan tradition, during which the cooked head of the sheep is presented to the guest of honor, who then cuts symbolic pieces off the head and gives them to other family members—the children get the ears so they’ll listen to their parents, etc.). When she heard that the price of the sheep had dropped to $50 due to low demand she called Khabiba and asked to borrow the purchase price so she wouldn’t bring dishonor on the family.

We’ve been out and about a lot more. I can handle most simple transactions at the market, we took a walk through the park to photograph the rusted-out Ferris wheel and I was asked politely but firmly to leave the Russian Orthodox Church during midday mass. It wasn’t my fault, it was impossible to see until I was several steps in that other than the priest all of the other worshippers were women.

We don’t need to buy much given the homecooked meals but to give you a sense of the cost of living here, a 750ml bottle of good Russian or Kazakhstan beer costs 120 Kazakhstan Tenge ($1), a 750ml bottle of water costs 250 Tenge ($2), a 750 ml bottle of vodka at least as good as the Stolichnaya we’d get at home costs 400 Tenge ($3.33) and a pair of essentially authentic addidas gloves cost 600 Tenge ($5). We also found the last two bottles of Diet Coke in Arkalyk. We had a small dinner party at our apartment last evening (which kept growing as the night went on) and Allyson made her famous bread and tomato salad for the group, which went over well. The tomatoes here are the best I’ve ever eaten. Many of you have heard me wax poetic about the oddly-shaped, multicolored heirloom tomatoes that show up in the greenmarket for a brief but glorious (there I go again) period during the summer, and that’s what the tomatoes all look like here and they’re all out of this world. They eat as many as they can, make sauce out of the rest, which they can and store in their cellars, and wait for the new season next September.

Yes, this is a photograph of Veronica texting. No, I have not been using my blackberry when she's around. I swear.

That’s about all for now, thanks again for the emails, they’ve been great.

Friends

I just spent an hour looking through my iPhoto library and reviewing my last year of photos and was struck by the rich, exciting life we lead. I must say we had an action-packed year, shared with some really good friends and family.

I thought I would now share some of Veronika’s friends from the orphanage with you and some of our new friends from Arkalyk as well. Everyone has been so kind to us and we are relaxing a bit now that we are confident Veronika is doing well and our court date is just around the corner.

The dinner party pictures are from a dinner we were invited to attend on Monday evening to celebrate the birthday of Marina, the orphanage doctor. We had a really nice time and the language barrier seems non-existent, Khabiba translates as we go but a lot of our communication is hand gestures (we are New Yorkers, after all) and facial expressions. Of course, there were the mandatory rounds of toasts and vodka shots, we held our own this time and are starting to really understand why others who’ve been here feel such an attachment to Arkalyk and the people.

More tomorrow, it’s cold and rainy here and we have Veronika in the flat today, she’s got the same cold as the others so we’re doctoring her up and enjoying her anyway.

Should I stay or should I go......

Update/Schedule

Today Monday, September 24th is day 10 of our mandatory two week bonding period.

We have a confirmed court date for Wednesday October 3^rd at 3pm. The judge will give her decision by the end of that day. We are reasonably confident that we will have no issues to get in the way of this process and our petition to adopt Veronika will be granted by the court.

Once the court date has passed there will be a two week notice period and then approximately two more weeks for paperwork and Veronika’s final papers and passport will be complete for her to leave Arkalyk, Kazakhstan. After the notice period her adoption will be final and she can leave the orphanage for good and stay here in the apartment with us. After these four weeks pass we will then go to Almaty to the American Embassy for medical clearance and review before being able to depart the country. So we are thinking it is early November at this point.

Many families leave after the court date and come back to Almaty a month later to go through the embassy procedures with their child. Meanwhile the child stays in the orphanage in Arkalyk the whole time you’re gone and arrangements are made to have the child escorted to meet you in Almaty. Doing it this way would mean that one or both of us can go home and spend time with Aidan while the paperwork is processed.

We’re weighing the ability to break up the time away from Aidan and the fact that Veronika has only known the orphanage so she will continue to be with all the people she knows already vs. the ability to let her leave that life as soon as possible and get some solid, 24/7 bonding time in during some or most of the 3-4 weeks we’ll need to wait out until we can finally leave Arkalyk and begin to head home.

This is the decision of the day – Is Tom going to Almaty after court to work out of an office there, will he head back to New York and then meet us in Almaty? Shall I stay or will I go….

Stay tuned for our decision in the next day or so.

Sunday

Sunday was a really nice day, all in all.

We had our morning visit with Veronika out in the yard at the orphanage and the repetitive nature of our visits, I believe, are comforting to her as they are to all two-year olds, who enjoy the predictability of having the same toys and games to play with from one day to the next. I will say that when it’s time to go back into the orphanage with her group, she does not resist at all, she actually goes straight in to join them, just a quick turn to wave and off she goes.

By the way…..the hat – not my idea, she is attached to this thing and it is very special to her. I bought her a new one, but she freaks out when I try to put it on her – so for now the purple hat will remain. I will work on the switch soon enough but it is cold for her so she really needs something on her head.

Our afternoon started with the Arkalyk Museum first and Khabiba was a very knowledgeable guide who has clearly given this tour before. Then we went with Khabiba and her husband, Aidir for a drive out to the airport that has been closed for many years now. It’s a tradition in Arkalyk that they drive to the airport for special occasions, wedding pictures, or when visitors are in from out of town. It was a cool sunny day and we cruised out to the airport through this big sky country. It felt good to be out and about, taking pictures and having fun.

We stopped for another view on the top of one of hills made by the bauxite mining and for another tradition – cold beer and smoked cheese (it’s also their version of lovers lane). I had to take a picture of Tom on this hilltop, of course there we were and his blackberry rings. It was a client calling, in this case someone who Tom is also very close to personally who was just checking in to see how our trip is going. A really nice gesture and many of you have seen my series of Tom on the telephone – soon to be a flip book.

Anyway – we are well. Had a good day. Missed the Sunday Styles section, Aidan of course and yes I admit it – Starbucks, but otherwise we are just great!

Anyone Care to Buy a Sheep?

Before I get started, just a warning that this entry is really just an excuse to post some more pictures of Veronika. There’s not a lot to report--it’s our eighth day here, and the 60 minute excursion we took to the market today was our first time spent outside the confines of this apartment or the orphanage. Admittedly, we’re here for Veronika and not to sight-see but we’re both starting to feel a little cabin fever.

We’ve been fortunate that the weather has been cold and rainy the past few days and we had Veronika come to visit us in the flat again all day yesterday and this morning. Allyson’s description of our time with Veronika is below, while I spend a moment describing Arkalyk. A story we heard today gave me a good excuse to describe the town for you.

Arkalyk is a place of pretty strong contrasts, and feels like a model of 1950s, Soviet-style planned living (a portion of the Soviet space program was located near here for a long time). It does seem as if the Soviets stopped spending money on its upkeep fairly soon after it was built and Kazakhstan has only recently had the funds to fix it up, which is being done slowly. Half the buildings are bricked over and the cars all seem to be of Reagan-era (sorry, Gorbachev-era) vintage, but the people all dress stylishly, and unlike the period immediately pre- and post-independence in 1991, there are enough jobs and food for all. Still, the people are very tied to the land and the habits that helped them get by when Kazakhstan was part of the Soviet Union.

Anyway, we heard from Khabiba that a friend of hers had called to ask if she’d like to buy a sheep, which this friend had received as payment this afternoon for some work she’d done for someone in town recently. The sheep was living on the balcony of this friend’s apartment, and the friend wanted the use of the balcony back but didn’t need the mutton, having stocked up on her meat for the winter. Khabiba didn’t need the sheep, because she had gotten up at 5:30 this morning to buy meat from the market that sets up intermittently in the middle of town, and she figured that the 65 kilos (120 pounds) of meat she’d bought was enough to tide her family, her in-laws, and us over until the next time that the market, Brigadoon-like, was open for business. In fact, everyone that Khabiba’s friend knew had gone to the market and done the same thing, so the sheep went unsold and is probably peacefully sleeping on the balcony as we write this.

Now here’s Ally on Veronika…

Another delightful visit with Veronika. I must admit that the more time we spend with her at our flat the better. Every time we bring her back to the orphanage and see her in her group we just get sad for her. Maybe she is fine, it is really all that she has known and has been her world, friends and family, up until now. I’m sure she must be a bit confused with us, after all she hardly understands what we are saying to her in English and the handful of Russian praises and phrases we have don’t go very far. Somehow we all get by and today we actually made her laugh – we heard her giggle and it was so much fun. Veronika is fairly silent, she mumbles a few words, but she mostly does not speak. We will work on that and maybe even get some help once we get home. I’ve already been thinking that it will be very easy to find a Russian-speaking woman back in Brooklyn who can come to our home and speak to Veronika and help us transition better. I saw woman because really that is what she has known in the orphanage--there do not seem to be many men around. She is fascinated with Tom’s unshaven face and Adam’s Apple, she loves to be held by him while she puts her hand on his throat and feels it move when he speaks (she continues to check my neck on a daily basis to see if I have developed one as well). It has only been a week since we met Veronika, it’s amazing how connected we feel already.

By the way, a couple of people have asked, we will be keeping her name, and adding “Rose” as her middle name in honor of both of our grandmothers. Until next time, keep the comments and emails coming, we enjoy getting them and miss you all.

A bath!

Today was my best day yet. It was a cold rainy morning and Khabiba called to say she would bring Veronika to us today because the indoor playroom was still not available, and we could spend the entire day at the flat with her. When Veronika arrived she was so happy to be here and we had a great morning just playing with toys on the floor. We then had our first meal together and I will say she enjoyed every last bit of it. We will gradually give her some new ideas on manners but for now I would say she was adorable about the way she attacked the food if it didn’t provide so much insight into what her life has been and conditions at the orphanage. We have so much to teach her and so much to undo at the same time.

We put her down for a nap after lunch and she was so content to relax and just be with us. It was truly the first time that I was able to feel a real connection to her as I rubbed her back and she fell sleep.

When she awoke I finally did what I have been waiting for……a bath!! She absolutely loved it. I was thrilled to be washing her and getting the grime off her tiny little body. I gave her the full treatment of a lavender baby cream massage and she was in awe of this treatment and I felt so happy to be pleasing this child who needs and deserves this. I put fresh clothes on her and we all hung out for another few hours just being mellow and having a very comfortable day. By the way….I did not wash her hair – please note the hair-do was done by the caretakers and I decided not to change it for I believe that was done especially for us.

When I brought her back to the orphanage, her group was still in the yard playing and I went in to be with them for a while and I was able to see the hierarchy and dynamics of the children and now understand what happens to Veronika. They all circled her and some were hugging her and happy to see her, two of the boys started pulling at her hat and once it was removed started tugging at her hair and she just stood there helpless and silent. I watched for a moment to see what would happen before I started to point my finger and say “nyet, nyet” – which the whole group of course immediately repeated after me and copied my wagging finger – amusing, huh? Well at that moment I felt so sad for the life she has known. She wanted me to pick her up and I knew that the best thing was not to, and instead to just walk away from this crowd until they all settled down, but really I wish I could have taken her out of there at this point and felt completely helpless for this little angel.

I left soon after and thought that I do not doubt for a moment what we are doing for this little girl is the right thing. Khabiba saw what had happened and she was able to understand my reaction and mood and decided to walk with me back to our flat, first stopping at the sweets shop to pick up some desert for us to enjoy. She stayed to eat dinner with us and we had a really nice time listening to her stories of Arkalyk and former Soviet times.

Another story….for another time.

Is it Wednesday Already?

This is going to be a long entry but there’s a lot to catch up on, it’s nice to have fallen into a rhythm and we’re really enjoying our time with Veronika.

We’re now on day five of the bonding period and I can hardly believe that this is the same child who walked into the director’s office on Saturday afternoon, board-stiff with fright. Despite being a tiny little thing, when we arrive at the orphanage for our twice-daily visits Veronika forces her way to the front of the group of children crowded at the gate to the older children’s playground (when she’s not being escorted to the gate, arm-in-arm, by a few of her companions while she beams with pride that it’s her turn to have a mama and papa coming to visit her). Once one of the caregivers opens the gate she comes running to us with her arms wide open. She isn’t satisfied until we’ve both picked her up and spent a few moments saying hello. We then retire to a bench in the courtyard of the orphanage for our visit, as the music room that families normally visit in is being renovated.

Veronika learned very quickly that the toys we’ve brought for her to play with that day are always in the same pocket of our knapsack, and as soon as I’ve taken it off my back and put it down she’s opening the zipper and rummaging around. There are a few toys the she really enjoys playing with, and they’re always in there as well as a few others that we rotate. Bubbles are a big hit, as are wind-up toys and big beads to string, but the big winners have been a beach ball that she brings to me to blow up at the start of every visit so we can play catch, and some colorful stacking blocks.

We try to include a couple of walks around the courtyard in every visit, but she only makes it about 1/3 of the way around before she wants to be picked up, and can sometimes become inconsolable if she’s not. I wonder if she worries that we’ll keep walking out the courtyard gate without her, but we walked further around the courtyard today with her walking next to us than in we did yesterday, and we’ll keep at it if it helps her learn to trust us.

We were surprised at another way it appeared that her fear of us not sticking around manifested itself yesterday. She’s been wearing the red sweatsuit you see in the pictures every day that we’ve seen her, and Allyson had brought along a pink sweatsuit for her to change into. When Allyson tried to take the red sweatshirt off to change her, however, she started pushing away and made a horribly fearful noise; that same look of fear we’d seen in the director’s office came over her face and didn’t go away until we zipped the red sweatshirt back up and gave her a hug. Our coordinator Khabiba explained that she was dressed in the red sweatsuit by the caregivers especially because she is being visited by her new mama and papa, and that she may have translated efforts to remove it as a signal that we didn’t want to be her parents. Khabiba suggested that we leave the new clothes with the caregivers to put on Veronika in the morning, so that they can explain to her that her mama and papa asked her to wear them when they visit. This seemed to work and she wore her new pink sweatsuit today, proudly.

It’s still remarkable to see her open up and personality unfold a little more with each visit. Tuesday afternoon’s visit was the first time she really started to use her voice, she’d been pretty silent with us before that visit. We’d heard her speaking with the other children in her group on Saturday but she’s never used more than a word or two at a time with us or any of the other adults. This seems to be pretty common among children in orphanages, who don’t start speaking until there’s a strong level of trust, and we were very pleased to hear her voice for this reason. Now that she’s started vocalizing to us, she doesn’t use many words but lots of baby talk and when she does use a word it’s often the right one. A car starts loudly in the next yard and she says “machina” (“car”), if she doesn’t like something she pushes it away and says “nyet,” when we leave her in the evening she says “paka” (“so long”).

One final observation, Allyson has been putting moisturizer on Veronika's hands at every visit, which she absolutely loves and is very soothing to her. She's almost dainty in the way she rolls her heavy sleeves up and when she's not laughing (pictured) her eyes are glued to Ally's face during this ritual and I hope it's something that Aidan will take over when we get home.

I’m going to post this and head to bed, more tomorrow…

Our Day

Tom is going to post shortly with our report on Veronika, so I'll post a few pictures until he does, and then let me try to describe to you what our days have been like. We wake early and are alone in our apartment to get dressed, drink tea and wait for Aunt Bacha to arrive and start cooking our 1^st meal of the day.

Each meal has 3 courses and has been delicious. I will certainly come home with a few additional pounds. I am not used to the quantity and or the variety of foods but I eat them happily and feel well taken care of in that respect. I shall blog later on “food”.

We are picked up after breakfast to go to the orphanage by our coordinator, Khabiba and her husband, who drive us over to the orphanage for our morning visit.

The weather has been fair and we have enjoyed being able to have our visits with Veronica outside while the workers are inside fixing windows before the winter comes. We brought a few simple toys and so far have been able to amuse Veronika and not yet tire her of our selection. When we see the other children in the yard, they seem content but without much stimulation or variety of toys to play with. We have not spent much time with the other children but will try to get more involved as time goes on. For now our efforts are all on Veronika and the bonding.

We are generally back to the flat by noon and await our next feast at about 1:00 pm. We then sit around in conversation and rest until our next orphanage visit from 4-6:00pm, then back to the house where dinner awaits. Bacha goes home for the day and we linger over our meal and discuss our day.

Now I should mention that the internet is painfully slow here with just dial-up access and guess what….my Mac laptop does not have a dial up modem so I am unable to use it. I never realized that would be an issue. So needless to say the two of us online with one computer at super slow speed is quite a shock to the system.

We have not ventured out in the neighborhood yet, but we are feeling the need to so. Tomorrow we will may go out and about during the afternoon and explore, or there is a new pool here in Arkalyk and Khabiba has promised to take us there if she has time.

Tom plans to work at night to the extent he can with the dial-up (his blackberry loses its data connection for hours at a time) so I will catch up on my reading at night.

We had a party at out flat last night to celebrate our formal decision to adopt Veronika. Our coordinator Khabiba, her husband and daughter and the doctor from the orphanage, Marina, her husband and daughter. Tom and I had just finished dinner when they all arrived and out came more food and VODKA. The way it worked was, Khabbiba started with a toast, then everyone drank their shot of vodka and ate some food, talked some more, the glasses were filled and the next person gave the toast, shots were knocked back, and the process was repeated several times. The Americans held their own but I missed the part about eating something after each shot, so I was a little rougher than most. On that note I will end for now and pick up again when I am feeling better.

It's Veronika!

We appeared on Sunday for our first official visit, day 2, and Veronika was out in the yard playing with her group. When the other children saw us they escorted her to the gate for us to take her. She had such a proud smile on her face as she waived PAKA (good bye) to the children and we went off to a more private section to have our own play date.

It was a beautiful morning, cool and sunny and we enjoyed watching Veronika opening up and be inquisitive about what we would take out of the bag next to play with. She was basically amused with everything and wanted to be held by Tom as much as possible. I can tell already there is an immediate attraction. She and I are taking our time to warm up and for now that seems right for both of us. We had two visits, one hour in the morning and two hours in the afternoon. So far …..so good. Tomorrow is a big day when we meet and talk to the doctor of the orphanage about her medical records and such. More tomorrow but it looks like we're on our way...

First Impressions

We arrived at the orphanage this afternoon and after meeting with the director and social inspector (social worker) were introduced to two boys, who seemed sweet but weren't right for us. They then brought in the tiniest two year old girl named Veronika, who was stiff as a board with fright. We'd been warned by others who had been in Arkalyk before us and met Veronika that this might be the case, but they each assured us that she in fact was a spunky, healthy, little girl with a bad case of stage fright.

It took only a few moments on the orphanage director's lap before Veronika slipped out of her grasp and started edging her way over to where Tom was sitting. She hesitated a moment before taking the piece of the toy he handed her and then retreated a few paces, before coming a little closer and taking another piece. Soon she was sitting in our laps and engaging with both of us. She was certainly wary, and she's not speaking much, but we both think with some good loving and personal attention she'll come into her own.

We have spent all these months in prep for this trip and now finally being in the moment it is way more monumental then I ever imagined. We have traveled across the planet to this very obscure region to visit an orphanage and have them show us several children; we are at their mercy to decide which one will be right for us and our family. What did I say in an earlier blog entry? That I will be very Zen about it all, well maybe so but when presented with the reality-- it is so hard. We know intellectually nothing is perfect except in our dreams when we imagine how things might be or how we can make them better. I think in this situation we are going to make a decision to help make things better for this adorable child and she in return will blossom into the daughter we have imagined for our family and sister for Aidan.

Arrival; Train Travels

It’s about 9 o’clock and the glow of my laptop illuminates the inside of our sleeper compartment as the alt-country darling Rilo Kiley plays in my headphones, Allyson sleeps and the night train races across the steppes of Northern Kazakhstan from Astana to Arkalyk.

If you’d asked me in January to predict all of the words I might use in a sentence this year, I can assure you that “Kazakhstan” had a very low probability of being used, and the combination of that word with “our,” “train,” and “Arkalyk” would have required a slide rule, a white board and the transitive property to calculate its probability (I think that adding in any combination of the words “my,” “headphones” and any permutation of “country” also requires the application of the Coriolis Effect, but I’ll let the committee decide that).

All that being said, being on this train, 14 hours away from meeting our new child in the middle of these vast plains just after sunset seems somehow the most natural thing for us to be doing. It doesn’t even feel far away, although I’m sure that will change quickly as the days away from Aidan increase, but the getting here was a pretty smooth affair.

Our trip was easy, Lufthansa from JFK to Frankfurt overnight, which we both slept through after our essentially sleepless Tuesday night, after a four hour layover our second Lufthansa flight to Astana arrived on time at 10:40 pm. We were through passport control in about 5 minutes, barely glanced at by the customs agents and our Astana coordinator Victoria was waiting to meet us. Twenty minutes later we were in our hotel (I’ll post the name when I dig the receipt out of my bag but it wasn’t part of a US chain) which was pretty new, and very clean, within walking distance of banks, pubs and shops in the old part of town (including the Chelsea English Pub, which did garner a few swearwords under my breath in the name of Spurs supporters everywhere).

After breakfast we spent the day around Astana. Victoria took us to the bank to exchange some money and we hired a taxi to take us to the monuments in the new part of the city. Astana has only been the capital since 1997, and the amount of construction is remarkable. I don’t want to take battery power describing the buildings now but Wallpaper’s take on the architecture in April 2007 struck me as right on the money.

This is the first place we’ve been to where literally no one we’ve met (save for Victoria and our Arkalyk coordinator Habiba, who arrived in Astana today and who we will connect with back in Arkalyk on Monday) spoke English. Victoria and Habiba are lovely, and the people who we’ve asked for help in broken Russian/sign language are more than happy to oblige, but most of the people we’ve come across keep their cards very close to their chest. I am interested how the next six week shape our impressions of the people and culture here, particularly without the subtle nuances and shadings within conversations to guide us. I don’t think it will matter in the end, but let’s see.

I’m going to turn in and try to get some sleep. It’s pitch black outside, other than the occasional arc lights at roadway crossings and eerie glows on the horizon from what I assume are oil and gas works there’s nothing to obscure my view of the stars, which are brighter and more numerous than I ever remember seeing. I think we get robbed by the light in our cities twice. First, when it hides all but the brightest stars from view, and second, when it lightens the deep black background of those stars.

Tomorrow is a big day, we meet with the director of the orphanage and in all likelihood, the child we will bring home. Wish us luck. T

Arkalyk on the map

Stop looking for it because you won't find it. I searched many maps and most do not show this town, so let me tell you: it is roughly in that wide open area they refer to as the Kazakh Steppe above the second A in Kazakhstan. We will arrive in Astana and our final departure will be from Almaty. So we will get to be in those two cities as well as our time in the Arkalyk region.

Leaving in less than a week

Today was just one of those days........started with some last minute documents needing to be notarized, authenticated and tomorrow I will have them Apostilled. We then had our parents over for that Production meeting that went rather smoothly and sweet. We are leaving Aidan home to start Kindergarten and be cared for by her grandparents on alternating weeks. Aidan will miss us madly while being completely spoiled by both sets of parents. I don't doubt she will be just fine.
The BIG NEWS is that our travel plans have moved closer - seems we need to be in Arkalyk sooner then we thought. All for good reasons, so we are now considering a Lufthansa flight next Wednesday which will take us to Frankfurt, arriving Thursday morning - short lay over and we fly to Astana, Kazakhstan arriving about 11:00pm - spend the night and take that 15 hour train the next evening ( Friday) to Arkalyk.
We arrive just in time for a visit to the orphanage on Saturday afternoon.

We got our LOI

The news came today. It is confirmed we are going to Arkalyk, Kazakhstan. Our Letter of Invitation was emailed to us with directions to get our visas done as soon as possible and go.

All that wait time to finally hear those words, "go" is like an absolute adrenalin rush.

I was overwhelmed with a sudden bout of nausea, possibly from all the details. I should mention that tomorrow we are having our parents over for "the production meeting" - until you actually sit down to record the details of how you run your home and what your child's needs are you will not understand what goes into it. I have eight pages of info for them to absorb.

I was also on the tele today trying to book us a flight - seems we might fly Austrian Air leaving Saturday September 15th overnight to Vienna, where we will have a 12 hour lay over (I will have to look into attractions in town for the day) before we travel overnight again to Astana, Kazakhstan. We will arrive early morning in Astana, spend the day and get on our next (3rd) overnight to the town of Arkalyk - this time it will be a 15 hour train ride.
You still with me here?..............the adventure begins.
She says with a great big sigh.
I will have more details once we talk to our coordinator tomorrow.