This experience of being with Veronika is earth-shattering and humbling in so many ways.
For those that know me, I think you will agree that I have always needed a certain amount of order to the way things flow, and in dealing with Veronika I realize I need to let go, let my guard down and let her "be" for a bit longer.
She is a typical, occasionally-wild 2 year old, who is also so uncertain of her new surroundings and is trying to please her mom by being the adorable child she is, but then she also slips into the child who wants what she wants and is afraid to let go of whatever the object of her affection is. When this happens she gets agitated very quickly and I in turn need to remind myself that there will be times when I need to discipline her and times for indulgence and for now I mostly need to comfort this child, even though it might seem like I am giving in to her temper. I say this because when I see her look of fear and lack of understanding, language or reason there is no consoling her. Her rage and fear needs to be tamed by unconditional love. I think – and I know some will disagree – go for it. It is so trying, and sweet at the same time.
I think Veronika and mommy are learning a lot from one another. I have to remind myself that this is going to take some time and for now we are really doing well. My routine and schedule here is somewhat minimal as compared to what I prefer having, which is more like hectic chaos, so I have time than I'd have if I were going through this at home to think and reflect about all these experiences.
Soon I will be home saying what a wonderful, peaceful time I had in that small village of Arkalyk, Kazakhstan.
Just one funny thought I had about this tiny village – all the young kids walk by me and are so pleased to say "Hello, how are you?" They are learning English and surprisingly they know I speak it (the rumor is out....she's American-- the only one for miles), and I am seen walking everyday – I think I may pass the same kids or it is just so obvious who I am. Anyway, they are afraid to be seen talking to me, they just want to quickly say hello and run away. What a shame, it would be nice to know more about them.